SHE RISES. (2016) DIRECTED BY LARRY WADE CARRELL. WRITTEN BY LARRY WADE CARRELL, ANGUS MACFADYEN AND LONI RUHMANN.
STARRING JENNIFER BLANC-BIEHN, ANGUS
MACFADYEN, MICHAEL BIEHN AND DAISY MCCRACKIN.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
'It's great to see a
guy with such a normal face...'
This is a cracking little indie
horror comedy that lost me a bit towards the end, but I'm not holding that
against it at all. I thoroughly enjoyed SHE RISES, even
if there were parts of it that confused and befuddled me. Isn't that
a lovely word, befuddled? It sounds like cuddled.
Anyway,
this is one of your horror films where a couple-a dopey peeps get
lost while driving irresponsibly in the dark through countryside they
wouldn't recognise if it got up and started dancing while repeatedly
chanting its own name, as in, this is Babylon,
Florida, welcome y'all to Babylon, Florida...!
The couple
in question are a most intriguing pair. Kat, a stunning blonde with
great tits and legs, could easily do porn, she's so built for it. No offence meant there, by the way. She's just such a total knockout. She's the driver of the car and also the director of a film that's
supposed to be starring her co-passenger and sometimes-lover Connor,
a grade-A a**hole if ever there was one.
Attention-seeking,
narcissistic, opinionated and gobby, Connor is a nightmare and the
image of a married man I got tangled up with in my mis-spent youth.
Therefore, I spent the whole film simultaneously being hopelessly
attracted to the selfish, middle-aged prick and also wanting him to be
dropped into a pool of angry piranha. Don't ask me. I can't explain
it either...!
Kat and Connor spend
the car-ride bemoaning the lack of real men in the movie world
nowadays. This is a subject dear to my own heart. Where are all the
Robert Mitchums, the John Waynes, the Glenn Fords, the Van Heflins,
the Humphrey Bogarts? Yeah, and what about the Steve McQueens, the
Joseph Cottens, the Alan Ladds, the Ernest Borgnines and the Burt
Lancasters? Don't even get me started on what's taking their place
today.
Anyway,
the car breaks down or they get lost or something and it's dark and
they go up to this house and, like, knock on the door and stuff. The
crazy lady who opens the door is called Rosebud (someone
likes their CITIZEN KANE...!) and
she's truly one of a kind.
A quaint
little country girl with a quaint little country girl flowery dress
and a quaint little country girl accent, Rosebud is something else
altogether. She's a spectacular-looking woman, with fabulous red
hair, red full lips and huge Bette Davis eyes.
In
fact, she looks like the love-child of Bette Davis and Susan Sarandon
(ironically, as Susan Sarandon recently played Ms.
Davis to perfection against Jessica Lange's Joan Crawford in drama
series FEUD) with more
than a bit of Julianne Moore thrown in.
She's
full of irritating inspirational sayings like Miracles
are what happen when you get out of your own way and
A mind is like a parachute; it works better when
it's open. And let's not
forget that if you don't love the Universe, the
Universe can't love you.
She's
like a walking Facebook post, this one. I prefer when she tells
Connor that she'd 'like to come back as a fly' and
the sleazy actor counters instantly with: 'Then I'd
love to come back as a piece of shit...' Cute.
Very cute. You're already well on your way, buddy, lol.
The
oily, unctuous Connor is immediately in there like a rat up a
drainpipe. You're so beautiful, I love you, I want
to fuck you, he's telling
Rosebud the minute Kat has to leave the room to go to the toilet. Two-timing prick,
seriously. There are two main obstacles to the true love that's
blossoming for Rosebud in Connor's trouser area.
One
of these obstacles is Rosebud's Daddy, the hideously unattractive
Daddy Long-Legs, played by Michael Biehn, the real-life husband of
the gorgeous Jennifer Blanc-Biehn who plays the long-suffering Kat.
They make a good-looking and talented couple, these two, both of them
being producers as well as the parents of five sons. Don't
mind lil' ol' Daddy Long-Legs, trills
an excited Rosebud. 'I allus lock him in his room at
night...!' Oh. Well,
that's all right then. I guess...
The other
obstacle to the course of true love is the fact that Rosebud is, in
fact, crazy as a loon and Kat and Connor are taking their lives in
their hands by spending the night at her fun-house. When Connor, who
incidentally fancies himself as a bit of a Shakespearean expert, unwisely offers Rosebud the part of a succubus in their upcoming horror movie,
the fun and games really start...
The
rest of the film is a maelstrom of sexy lesbian nudity, dream
sequences, role reversal and the distinct feeling that you're losing your marbles.
Oh, and there's a tubby pregnant man in a ridiculously short pink
nightie. A lady's ridiculously
short pink nightie. Such as a lady might
wear. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound, isn't that what they
say? You gotta get into the spirit of
the thing.
The
film-makers here clearly love films and the history of the cinema.
There are fun little homages to
stone-cold horror classics like PSYCHO and
THE SHINING on
offer as well as a pretty encyclopaedic knowledge of movie
background.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You
can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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